I personally do not believe in prayer, at least for petty issues, I know I have prayed in the past, like the time, I was driving the ALCAN highway and was getting low on gas, after stopping in a small town and filling up on Litres, back then, I had no Idea litres, were not gallons, not even close, anyway, I prayed to make it to a town with reasonable gas prices, and that is where I  memorized the lords prayer, at least the denomination of the lords prayer in that bible. Deliver us from the Evil One is the way it ends,  and for thine is the Kingdom the Power and the Glory.

anyway, the only other time, that I had asked was when I quit drinking, I do talk to god, well he does not actually talk back, for instance. Recently I was working on a Roof in Scottsdale, installing some roof panels by myself, as usual, and the wind kept gusting, every so often it got kinda scary, I mean if those panels took flight, not only having to retrieve them, but potential could kill someone, they were rising and fluttering,  I would be saying ok come on knock it off. It was directed towards God, I feel like he hears me, but… Well I was not praying just kinda, WTH let me finish this job.

Never during my cancer did I  pray, I just figured he knows what up. It was my second chance, although I had not done anything to need a second chance, but I do not recall praying, I do the lords prayer often, well at least quarterly, and for  some reason always, or mostly always in the shower, and I follow it up with a Janis Joplin verse, “O lord won’t buy me a mercedes benz, my friends all drive porsches, I must make Amends, Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends. I know, I am weird, but true story.

So I found out last night one of my favorite cousins, is in the hospital and not expected to make it, I am just shocked, emotional, and totally unexpected.  I had no Idea, I can count favorite cousins on one hand, well ones that return the favor. I am praying for her, she is still young too young,  she has children, her and her sister were a bright spot in my life, during some dark times. I had been chatting with her on fb, but with issues of my own, I kinda neglected as with all my facebook “relationships” the whole thing, although great, is not a real way to interact, well none of it is really, even the phones, seem phoney;/

I wish I had enough money to be able to travel around an visit everyone on  a regular basis, Life is so frustrating at time, I often wonder if it will ever happen, will  everyone I care about die off before this can happen, will I die off, before I can enjoy life, without having my nose to the grindstone?

I know that it does not look good, but she does deserve another chance, my world is shrinking and  it is not a good thing.