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January 2021

I am pissed, well truly disappointed in healthcare in America

2021-01-29T10:20:20-07:00Categories: Cancer daze, Current diet, my bullshit, Richard life pages|

Ok, so I have been having these health issues for quite sometime.  I have been to the Emergency room 4 times  with heart problem, well they did not find anything, but my  chest had been feeling very uneasy, with dizzy spells and just lethargic at time. I drink coffee by the gallon. they have said on several occasions, I have a slow heart beat, I just have not felt right, but the soldier that I am keep powering through, I mean I can work and hike all day no problem, but when I am at rest, is when it gets bad, so I had been thinking all in my head,  but even when working, i had neck spasms, that were debilitating, one time up on a beam, [...]

Help me Dktor im dyin, just a sec let me see what the manual says :/

2021-01-07T05:46:23-07:00Categories: Cancer daze, my bullshit, Richard, Richard life pages|

Symptoms, shmimtoms, who needs them, your  TSH levels high, but your T4 is ok, so all your Hypothyroidism is all in your head, or your heart, or your dry flaky skin, or your nails, that are brittle, or perhaps in your hair that refuses to grow, much..... yeah that is the consensus That is not the worst part, it gets better, or for worse, :) anyway, this all started a year ago, well about 15 months ago, diagnosed by some testing place, I had hypothyroidism, then again in the Emergency room, after my heart was feeling real freaky, but then they have some Indian stooge call me and say, no you dont have it, your fine. I go on  my merry way until this year, about 3 [...]

December 2020

shame shame on me..

2021-01-01T06:40:26-07:00Categories: my bullshit, my drinking daze, Richard life pages|

you can hardly go through life, without someone pushing their shame on you.  whether it be their view of your religion, lack of religion, lifestyle, or your past, I know that is a tool, my family tries to use all the time.  whether it is beefing up false charges,  spreading rumors, the gamut goes on, the list is long, and I have done my share of stupid things, but you know what, I have no shame for all the bullshit  that is pointed in my direction, not the man whoring, the fighting, or even my drunken jail times. no shame, I do not deny, I was an asshole, with little regard for myself or others,  I  was the product of my environment.  Sure,  maybe some of [...]

Another Christmas gone by

2020-12-26T17:19:34-07:00Categories: my bullshit, Richard, Richard life pages|

All through house not a creature was stirring not even a MOUSE well that was a good Christmas, even without our 2 oldest childrens, they have lives of their Own now, proud, but sadness of sorts. We did have the baby home, well somewhere nearing 28. but always our baby boss, has been a blessing taking care and extending our Parenthood, We are just so proud of ourselves, that he even chooses to live with us, in this age of people that scoff at families, that stay together in this day and age. He has proven himself successful in every career he has engaged, Manager of a Chipotle, Manager of a high end retail chain, Z galleria, and currently working his way up the chain at [...]

Richard on Relationships more of my b.s.

2020-12-26T16:29:01-07:00Categories: my bullshit, Richard life pages|

Relation Ships, Probably the most important aspect of our Lives, no kidding. You know when people say you are what your eat? well, they should say, you are the result of relationships, your whole life is affected by the relationships you are born into, and the ones you choose, and just as much, the ones you do not choose. The single most Important relationship in our lives, is the one with Ourselves, no not masturbation, although it comes in handy in a pinch. Do you really think you can have good relationships with others, if you fail to have  good relationship with Your very own self? No, I do not mean monetarily, but more  of a knowledge of oneself. Understanding where you came from, why you [...]

November 2020

overthinking is good 4 me

2020-12-20T12:29:53-07:00Categories: my bullshit, Richard, Richard life pages|

I love to think and overthink, that is who I am, I think therefore I yam hehe The key to overthinking, is to accept things that you can not change, and for me, is Turing that stuff over to God, it is my religion. without overthinking, I probably would not be in business, as construction contractor, Murphy's Law, comes to mind, "what can go wrong, will go wrong" sometimes it is not so good, when overthink about people, well that is a wild cared at best, we never know, what is going on in peoples lives, life is hard, can be hard, I am grateful for the life I have, for all that accept me in any form, I am grateful, yet this comes with caution, as [...]

my fathers son

2020-12-20T12:33:50-07:00Categories: Current Events, my bullshit, Richard, Richard life pages|

Some people, no matter what you do in life, will always find ways to attack your character. I have been attacked my whole life for being my fathers son. your father did this, your father did that. where do we get this? What does the sins of the father mean? most of the stuff i hear, is not worth salt, but where do people get off attacking people for whom their parent are? When someone does this, it is more an affirmation of their own lock of integrity, than mine, are you serious, your judging me on who my father is? now let me say, I have been guilty of this, our of anger, as it is not a reasonable thing to do. some say I'm just [...]

Sunny Southern

2020-12-20T12:39:31-07:00Categories: drinking daze, Richard, Richard life pages|

working in sunny California was a breath of fresh air, since living and working in Alaska for so many years, it had been about 7 years since I had lived there, we moved to Washington State when I was 17 years old. I could dig ditches, demo houses or do whatever work that was put before me, I had been used to working on boats, and at the end to the day, your still on the boat, I do love boats and working on them, but it is something that can be hard, The problems I have had with jobs over the years was lack of a challenge, or jobs not clearly defined, or stagnant, and ended up quitting my Construction job at Bergeson Construction. at that [...]

let get this shit show started

2020-12-20T12:42:22-07:00Categories: Richard life pages|

Ok, so I have been hinting about the worst year of my life, that I can remember, means nothing, but had to say it anyway. The year was 1986, I had moved to Sunny California, well kinda of moved, I had nothing, I had made a few dollars fishing in Kodiak, and was tired of the Alaska life, yet again. I had not car no money and no place to live, I did get a job working for a Contractor based out of Agua Dulce or pamdale, not sure John Bergeson, if I remember correctly, my uncle had died in a plane crash the year before, or 2 years before, let me check. July 21, 1984     Hal Dierich, Jack Johnson, Harold Martin and Fred Monson were lost [...]

what we have here is a failure to communicate

2020-12-20T12:50:12-07:00Categories: Richard, Richard life pages|

it has been almost a year since my big discovery, which is another family, complete with grandchildren, it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions for ME. what the future holds, I have no idea, time will tell, but for me, it has given me a different perspective, almost a breath of fresh air, with a hopefull heart I move forward, slowly, but shriley, :) life is good, in the our desert, I have been contemplating the end years, I mean not death, but life after work, well I shall work until hell freezes over, but that can be anywhere. well off to work eye go. be safe be safe, do not let down your guard be vigilant.  

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October 2020

Happy OCT 25TH 2020

2020-12-20T15:27:08-07:00Categories: Richard, Richard life pages|

what does the future hold? mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of all? I have some stories to share and an update on me thinking as eye head into the golden years :), they are coming, if I am lucky. I do have no regrets in my life, well, lots of them, but not such that creates internal anguish, that anguish is toxic. where does my anguish come from, PEOPLE, yes, perhaps you? BUT, that is not entirely true, is it? My anguish comes from my response to external stimuli, which comes in many forms, it is ALL IN MY HEAD. that is not to say, that people do not get off on distracting or purposefully making life difficult. I have choices. recently I [...]

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Happy Happy birthday “B”

2020-12-20T15:30:58-07:00Categories: Richard, Richard life pages|

Happy birthday Bianca!! today is my First Grandchild's birthday, life is good. My daughter Shavon was born 6-8-1984, and she had a daughter on this day in 2003 This is all bittersweet for me. Well actually it is all sweet, I am still ecstatic today as the day I found out, therein lies my dilemma, you see, I was unaware of having a daughter in 1984, or a Granddaughter 10/11/2003, looking back at that time, where was I? my Uncle Fred died in Kodiak July 21, 1984     Hal Dierich, Jack Johnson, Harold Martin and Fred Monson were lost in a plane crash near Black Point, Spruce Island. Where was I? I was in Kodiak, fishing on the Bertha Marie for Ivar Malutin, the crew were Gene Delgago, Ivar called [...]

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My Village

2020-12-20T15:34:04-07:00Categories: Alaska, Alaska Native, Richard, Richard life pages|

I have a village, I hometown, Kodiak Alaska, yes it is my true home, nowhere on earth do I feel more at home, than on this island, well, except when I am with sweet Mary. I was born in the griffith building downtown Kodiak, I do not have any memory of the 1964 earthquake tidal wave or anything from that time, perhaps, I remember great granny, but that was after, I think. I do not remember when I was 2, I stuck my knuckles on a hot stove, still have the scars, but do not remember. I do not remember being in a chicken coop on the side of the house, but i have seen pictures of me. my first remembrance of my life was about 4 [...]

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My Native life

2020-12-20T15:36:37-07:00Categories: Alaska, Alaska Native, Richard, Richard life pages|

ok, I have come to a few conclust\ion about my life, the most important, stay alive, be alive, be in the moment, it may be hard when your mixing bags of concrete, but it is possible, I find that not being in a hurry to get things done, makes them more enjoyable, but lets be truthful, hard to enjoy, when your covered in portland :) That I am an Indigenous American, not by culture, but decree, I have a blood quantum, a BIA number, but on the other hand, I belong to no tribe. I belong to 2 Native entities. Koniag and Uganik Natives, neither on of them is a federally recognized tribe, somewhere down the line, as the corporations were diluted out of any value, other [...]

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they call me dad

2020-12-20T15:38:25-07:00Categories: Richard, Richard life pages|

that my friend is a fact, well at least 3 of them do :/ but I was able to steal away a dad, it was poised, more like a "your dad" but the d a d were emphasized, almost as if it was to me :) but alas, we must remember the song lyrics "you think this song is about you your so vain" yes that is me, I perceive the world according to my experiences, which have been plentiful if not overabundant< I digress, what was i talking about, my self of course :) The whole covid thing is somewhat of a reset time, really, I have no clear view of my future, I just know it must include sweet mary, why? because I Love here [...]

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September 2020

Native this native that Alaskan Native

2020-12-20T15:40:58-07:00Categories: Alaska Native, Richard, Richard life pages|

what is an alaskan Native? blood? culture? inheritance? what exactly does it entail? is that enough questions? I am at a time in my life, a kind of wtf moment of sorts, All this Native issues, not only, am I Native? I look white, the full bloods say, am I white, some say, no. am I confused? perhaps. The problem arises for me, I was raised as white as can be, I was exposed to some Native culture, not much but some, I lived in Bush Kodiak more than a few years, but there was not much culture, it was Alaskan, no different than most white or otherwise Alaskan lifestyle, I am the end of a long line of assimilation, like when the borg got captain jon [...]

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The bumpy road of life :)

2020-12-20T16:59:44-07:00Categories: Richard, Richard life pages, Sarah|

l have been on a bumpy ride lately, since covid has entered our lives. I attribute this to bad or poor decisions on my part. I know better in most cases, but ignore my previous run ins with certain situations, I guess, sometimes I just think, I can do it, and I can, but at what cost. Construction can be a tricky, but contracting is tricky, and not in a good way. most of my latest bumps, have to do with contracting as a sub contractor under another contractor. I should probably be writing this on my azbuild site, but alas, that is too boring, I feel like life has given me another brick wall, or maybe a chance to change the road I am on. not [...]

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August 2020

relationships and MOre

2020-12-20T17:12:47-07:00Categories: my bullshit, Richard, Richard life pages|

Lately, I have been cleaning up my act, yes, well kinda, just putting perspective on things, like what relationships are important, which ones cause me angst, Facebook friends down to me closest sweet Mary and my children, which are all good, not without growth and dissension of sorts, I mean really, is there an Ozzie and Harriet type of relationship out there, in perfect sync on everything? Eye think not! I recently resigned from a position on our little Native board, it had become so poisonous to my life, just what the government intended, but on the flip side, maybe I can still salvage some family relationships on my island, although it looks bleak, I am hopeful, They have done some good things. we no longer are [...]

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July 2020

May 2020

Anger as a tool or for a fool

2020-05-28T16:25:47-07:00Categories: Richard life pages|

I grew up angry, there is no denying it. I passed it onto my children, I remember pleading with my kids to listen and be good, pleading did not work, only elicited a look of indifference. the same tool, that they learned from me, can also be a tool against me now, or worse, my other tool is to disengage. I'll take an angry kid, over no kid any day. wish we could all live together. miss them all. when I was younger anger was just as natural as a smile. these days, well-avoiding anger at all costs is the goal. it has not been an easy task. when I use anger, I know that I have lost. people who have angered me have Won, yes they [...]

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almost regrouped time to find a paying Gig

2020-05-28T16:06:46-07:00Categories: Richard life pages|

well getting the house back in order, perhaps a week more of work. the dryer timer went under fritz, it was under warranty, took 2 weeks, Mary was patient, but not, back to the clothesline method, I almost bought a new or used one, but this one was under warranty. the refrigerator lights quit working, so we had food in the dark for about a week until the new switches came in. I still have to upgrade the drain tube, perhaps today. My truck had been having issues, the battery cables, 2 batteries, had corroded, they wanted 545 for a new set, but they were on backorder, I had to rig it up and solder new terminals, kinda sketchy, but used lots of solders. I was leaking [...]

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Danger DAd strikes again

2020-05-28T15:07:38-07:00Categories: Richard life pages|

babies Raising kids can be a dangerous proposition if your dad is Me. We have had some fun and some not so fun times, and some down right dangerous times. One time I got the idea to have our dog a strong German Shepard pull the kids on a sled, well it was going fine for a little while and then all of a sudden he took off full speed and dumped the babies into the deep snow, crying babies wet cold kids. just one of my good "ideas" that turned south. The next one that I remember was the time, Richard got a new fancy bike, we were living somewhere by O'Malley in Anchorage. I took him up the hill and let him go down, well [...]

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you are my wife, goodbye city life

2021-02-22T05:19:12-07:00Categories: Richard life pages|

ok, let me spill my guts, probably delete this later... I have newborn.. she is 35 going to be 36 next month, a mature, smart mom, she has 4 kids. our lives crossed paths recently through DNA, I was ecstatic, still am, yet with more realistic expectations, none. Really, I do not deserve them, my contribution was pure self-serving, if I'm being truthful with myself. I did make some mistakes, like jumping for joy (sort of anyway) in front of me SweetMary, that my friends, did not go over well. nothing has been as expected. all my wits and manipulations could not put poor humpty dumpty back together again. I am my own worst enemy, I knew this had been a bone of contention the last few [...]

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how we grow, at least ME

2021-02-22T05:19:12-07:00Categories: drinking daze, Richard life pages|

I have come a long way from the wild drinking days, I often wonder what was powering my through those years. I mean, I really had no conception of the stages that we go through, when I was a youngster, I remember planning on having children when I was about 25, my mom had my brother when she was 16 and me when she was 20, Gilbert at 21, Kelly at 22, and seestor at 26, Sister seems to be the most acclimated to American life. Can you Imagine growing up in Seldovia Alaska, even today it has under 300 people, moving to California with 5 kids? I can not imagine, me with 5 kids at 25, maybe 35. nobody to help, dad off drinking up all [...]

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blah blah blah

2021-02-22T05:19:13-07:00Categories: Richard life pages|

just doing a little procrastination, yes it is true. do you love me. do I love me? which is more important? do you like me? do eye like me? simple questions. do you know the answer? why is it that people that love you, also hurt you? I can usually assess who like me by asking about, how, where and the nuts and bolts of their upbringing. We like people and things that we can relate to. This has been a part of my psyche, being liked, I love being liked. why? cuz were pack animals. That is why we thrive and survive. We gravitate toward our ideal "pack" or not. The problem arises, when we pick the wrong pack. Leader create pack and followers follow packs. [...]

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to infinite and beyond

2021-02-22T05:20:07-07:00Categories: Richard life pages|

This was my teen years, probably Sierra Vista Jr high, I actually learned more life stuff at that school than all the other schools combined. shop class, We took apart a briggs stratton and put it back togeher, I finished fast and mine started back up. this was also about the time I discoverd my lifetime obsession with girls, well that was in 6th grade, my first crush was Patricia, she was an actress in my 6th grade class. I used to follow her home, but i was invisible. mini stalking? not sure. This is also the time I became aware, that I was attractive to the girls, my first ego burst, or more life confused but amused, when they called my name for 6th grade diploma, [...]

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