Richard on the Side2020-12-29T08:48:37-07:00

what is going on in my life

well glad you asked :/ I will be putting a big effort into getting this bathroom finished, with an eye on new jobs, have  few bites. geting excited about the shower, we bought a 12" shower deal with a wand, good reviews, got the tiles picked out, just have to run some more plumbing and wires, but the end is near, just have to push a little harder, then a nice jacuzzi tub and shower, I was going to put in 2 shower heads, but this 12 incher should be wonderful. the kids are all doing ok, feel detached, like life is not fair, they all have their own lives, what use am eye? has been washed up old man, perhaps dying, perhaps a hypochondriacs , perhaps going to live a long time? I have no Idea. I have been taking some meds, without supervision, [...]

The perfect world? what is it? let me tell YOU

I do a lot of whining and complaining about our society and our world, yes it is true, at 58 years, I have seen the light. I have become a student of history, WAr is our history, it is the history of man I feel very blessed, that I even have the ability to journal like this, in china, or Russia, I might be thrown into prison, or worse if I was in Syria, I would be tortured and killed. This I know is true. Most of us are so caught up in just survival, or paying bills mortgage, raising kids, that we never get a chance to "smell the roses" or in my case, analyze the truth. No matter what country you live in, you are controlled by the Government. no exceptions this is  a fact. We have great liberties in America, just not [...]

rehashing old posts reiterate incinerate..

Ok, so I have a few disclaimers: racism is bad, I do not judge people for things they can not change. We are all born into this earth in a pre-set format. We have no choice. we do have a choice, at least some of us eventually. Racism is cultural, it starts at the bottom and works it's way up.  they have had all the segregation in schools, neighborhoods, everywhere except jails and prisons. until the little diddy is addressed it will always live on. was it created by prisonous? hell no. this is governmental greed, This has been hashed out of the same  old idea of controlling populations from the Roman days of conquer. give power to certain groups, give them benefits, and control the whole group. Been the MO for every  invading Army since, well forever. who filled the prisons? government did,  instead [...]

my outhouse rant, plumbing the greatest invention EVER

We just flush, where does it go? who cares its gone. we take for granted one of, if not the most significant modern conception, the sewage system, they turn that turd you just flushed into drinking water, well drinkable water anyway, not sure if anyone drinks it of all the advances, this for me is the best, at least in the cities, my dark mind often says, look at all these people in the cities, a whole lot of shit yeah I said it shit, my ma, used to say "SHIT"  almost half funny, but we are a clean  society, well at least not piles of the stuff everywhere, can you imagine all these people crapping all over the place? nfw Then there was the great toilet paper shortage, well we never actually ran out, but I did see empty shelves, which had the manufacturers [...]

my thyroid journey

well I continue on my thyroid quest, I feel great, except when I dont. last night I had a great invention, Chicken gizzards and hearts, with garlic, mushrooms, onions, and mini tomatoes all fried up in coconut oil on the stove, it was seasoned with red peppers, garlic salt and crushed black pepper, it turned out delicous, I even liked the crunchy gizzards, which can be pesky for lunch I had 4 soft boiled eggs, I like when the center yellow is runny liquid, so good, such good vitamins. I even slipped and had a butter sandwich, which consist of  butter slathered between 2 pieces of dave's killer bread Powerseed, sweetened with organic jucies, only 1 gram per slice. butter is listed as a  thyroid helper. for desert, at about 8pm, I had my usual desert, an orange, a bowl of yogurt sweetened with a [...]


YES IT IS TRUE, i bite the hand that feeds me, or in this case, that saved me from rotting away. I feel it is time for one of my disclaimers:  Getting a potential life ending cancer is one of the most life changing or ending things that can happen to you, or in this case me. Some may think I hold resentments, h8t or loathing for the institution that saved me from rotting away, or worse dying under the hands of some Dokter jekyll. That statement could not be further from the truth. But, yeah always  a butt when faced with meeting my maker, my penchant for searches became a "Quest" my quest started after the surgery, The Mayo, went into Cancer mode, I was assigned a team of specialist. they took my picture, that was creepy, as I thought, this is my [...]

the fun begins 8 hrs in the Operating room, WTH happened in there?

So when I was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer, things happened very fast, after the Pet scan they scheduled a radical neck dissection, this is major surgery, I was prepped and said it would be about an hour, it was all surreal, the last thing I remember was them injecting me, then I awoke to in the recovery room,  I had to pee, I had no Idea what was going 0n, It was almost as a dream, I just remember I had to pee, real bad, and the pressure kept building up. A nurse, i presume was asking me if I was a tough guy, some nonesense like that, and I just remember trying to get her  attention, that I had to pee, I kept reachign down, she adjusted something and I hear a "whoooosh" and all the pressue was gone, my cathedaer was [...]

race is them, not me, them whites

I know that i Have mentioned this before, but I have been thinking about it again, with the shit show that is our lives, but White is a racist word, it has become the equivalent of the N word. "he is white"  that is a fkn slur, or I am "white" that is as racist ass you can get. I hear it now and cringe. Society has been able to loop all of everyone into a bleached white category, and nobody seems to notice.  this word is used to either promote Nazism or demonize people of caucasian ancestry. this is as plain as the nose on my face. eye for one am sick of it. I am not proud to be white, but I am proud to be British, Scottish, Norwegian, Icelandic, Swedish, Russian, and a wee bit of Irish, that is culture, but we [...]

all the kings men, could not put humpty dumpty back togehter

well that sums up how I feel about my health 🙁 I know that the cancer put a damper on my life expectancy, and the treatment, well it was just as devastating.  spilled milk now, the milk has been spilled, not much i can do except scoop some back in. I see people going through stressful times, and overeating and if there can be any kind of warning, just look at me, I may beyond the help of diet and exersize, but the worst culprit is stress, it will kill you 🙁 sad but true when I was drinking, stress was minimal, when I was gulping down whatever poison suited my fancy, not until I woke up did the stress start again, and sometimes, I just kept drinking, not much stress when your drunk, but not too good on your organs, or like brother kelly [...]

a little adversity never hurt anyone, or did it?

my life if full of adversity, The Stage 4 throat cancer is in the top ten, but my adversity of living with one eyeball has been a tougher sell, you know how many companies, want a  one eyed carpenter?  they prefer to run you off, especially in Arizona, but it is pervasive, I worked my ass off, and gave 100 percent of every job, what gave me this courage against all odds? what gave me the confidence to pull it off for many years?  MY BRO tally, helped, he once said, if another man can do it, I can do it. that and I have always, thought I was better, faster, the was from baseball, I played well, as a kid, without and real training, or foundation, as the other kids had. Mr Arispe gave me the chance, bless his family. But I [...]

War and life? is war life? why do we have to be in battle

I have had an epiphany of sorts recently, not a big one, but an epiphany of sorts I like to check up on people on Facebook, and see what they are up to, as I do not follow but a handful anymore, but recently checking up on my cousin Jim, I came across a post he had about the 33 strategies of War by Robert Greene, also writer of the 48 laws of power. Disclaimer: if I have to resort to "tactics" with people, I prefer to just minimize contact or delete contact, but in the world of " I HAVE BILLS TO PAY" that is not an option. One thing I realized listening to these War tactics, is that I have already integrated most of them into my "pay bill relationships" already. I prefer relationships based on mutual respect, with a focus [...]

my new found love, me self, self love baby

not masturbation either, but love thyself I know kinda goofy, kinda silly, kinda self centered? I have come to embrace my self, I have come to embrace that I am  a Native American, specifically an Eskimo (yupik/Inuit, mom says yupik, dna says Inuit, but they both were near the same area, near Nome, Alaska) my Aleut, and Athabascan roots, too,  which are supiaq or some other new Politically corrected, how do they even know, how to translate to english? by sound, was there an alphabet? that better left to the scholars.  I am Native, and Proud to be Native, yes, and I am embracing being Native, not for entitlements, but for the sheer joy of being proud of my ancestral past, that also mean  I am proud to be White too.  Yes, it is true I have white pride. although I prefer to be more [...]

Addictions, whether booze, food, or opiods, all are a death sentence

But in hindsight, we all going to die, so if dying 20 years earlier than a healthy life lead too, then by all means, keep gobbling up the pasta, white bread, and whiskey, they all just as deadly, and all a hindrance to a happier life, but I know, it is up to You, your the  only one, that knows your pain. Maybe your life is sad, perhaps, your only fun is a donut? the only time you feel happy, is gulping down Capt. Crunch O sorry, being a prick, this was me. drinking was the only time I felt normal, what the fk is normal?  what the masses are doing, hahahhahahahah yeah well your a sheep is that is your normal, just like the germ mans. Do we want to raise sheep? IT IS HARD NOT TO, I mean really, when do we even [...]

Happy Sunday Funday and Super bowl day

here we go Superbowl time, I kinda want Brady to win another one, dont you, he seems ageles, so unless I get someone to bet me some dough, I am going to be rooting for old man Brady, who is 15 years younger dan me:/ you know, now that I think about it, at that age, I was actually older than I am now, that sound suspicious, but mindset is the most important issue, when thinking of age. Diet plays a huge role too, but mindset, is key. the truth be told, I just started watching football last week, well two weeks ago, so all I know about either team, was learned last week. I am taking my new thyroid meds, they seem to be making me a little better... not sure, take them at midnight or try, not supposed to mix with food [...]

Enable me to death, death becomes Me

I know, that if I had never been able to get the monkey off my back, quit the booze, I would be dead now. That I can say with some certainty, well, I did have good luck, maybe alive, still, incarcerated? perhaps, crippled? perhaps. Left to my own devices, but I was a very wild  drunk, there was chaos, wherever I went.  the turning point came, when my main enabler, Sweet Mary, decided to pull the plug on my life of family, but that was only the start, after living alone, with a ferret for what seemed like a few months, now, was a lonely existence. for one thing, that damn ferret was not a social creature, it was wiry and did not care for me at all. I was really going nowhere fast, but the decision to quit drinking, was mine alone, nobody [...]

Sunday funday, life is good, through rose colored glasses!!

Yes, we, well at least me, needs to keep the optimistic approach to life and enjoy every moment every minute I  have on this earth. I will be the first to admit, my mind and thinking is damaged, no way around that without a brain transplant, maybe, get the brain of a chicken, like Johnny Cash did in "chicken in Black"  great song I know that I tend  to create scenario's without actually having proof, or perhaps about future events, now this is a double edge sword of sorts The approach to life, has served me well, since the days, of absolutely, thinking nothing through, except, I need money, dont black out, dont drive drunk, ect, ect. No thinking ahead and the possible potential serves me well, in most cases, in others, it just drains my enthusiasm for doing even the most mundane of life's [...]

one Eyed One-horned flying purple eater

Ok, so I had to go the Emergency room, well not had to go, but here is what happened, I woke up and could not move my right Arm, I was crippled up, and it was not getting better, I saw some stuff online that it could last for months, well that bs. so I just started working on healing, but then I got to thinking maybe it  is out of the socket. so I did a search online and found a page, on what to do if your arm comes out of the  socket when your can not get to a hospital, so I tried it, it was very painful and could not get the whole rotation completed, It looked like a crease on that arm, that the other did not have, and there is a partial dislocated. anyway, I went to the doc, [...]

I am pissed, well truly disappointed in healthcare in America

Ok, so I have been having these health issues for quite sometime.  I have been to the Emergency room 4 times  with heart problem, well they did not find anything, but my  chest had been feeling very uneasy, with dizzy spells and just lethargic at time. I drink coffee by the gallon. they have said on several occasions, I have a slow heart beat, I just have not felt right, but the soldier that I am keep powering through, I mean I can work and hike all day no problem, but when I am at rest, is when it gets bad, so I had been thinking all in my head,  but even when working, i had neck spasms, that were debilitating, one time up on a beam, I had to hug the beam to not fall. I had been feeling funny and saw a facebook [...]

Praying a novelty or asking God for a favor?

I personally do not believe in prayer, at least for petty issues, I know I have prayed in the past, like the time, I was driving the ALCAN highway and was getting low on gas, after stopping in a small town and filling up on Litres, back then, I had no Idea litres, were not gallons, not even close, anyway, I prayed to make it to a town with reasonable gas prices, and that is where I  memorized the lords prayer, at least the denomination of the lords prayer in that bible. Deliver us from the Evil One is the way it ends,  and for thine is the Kingdom the Power and the Glory. anyway, the only other time, that I had asked was when I quit drinking, I do talk to god, well he does not actually talk back, for instance. Recently I was [...]

Happy Anniversary to me and my better half

Wow 32 years, who would have thunk, that I could ever have a "normal relationship" let alone stay married to the same woman for 32 years, well that is not exactly true not is it Richard? well... you got me there, but I refuse, to use the subsequent date, maybe I am stubborn, or just stupid, maybe a little of both. I will not go into too much detail, but I will share some of the sordid details of my transformation from a drunken cad of a husband to a loving father and husband, and my own opinions on the subject. Marriage, is not an easy thing, just like anything worth having it takes work, at least in my case. We had made a pact to quit the party lifestyle and raise our kids, well, I broke the deal many times, I remember it like [...]

Arizona living, the good life or burning in Hell

Well that is profound, nothing is ever that cut and dry.  that reminds me, how much I do love Arizona, my love of a place, usually has nothing to do with the people, and Ariona is not exception. The key is sometimes government has much more to do with my perception of a place and its livability. The first time we moved here was in 1989, right after me and sweet mary got married in Las Vegas at Circus Circus.  yeah you heard me right, I called the preacher shitfty, because of how his eyes kept darting back and forth, I have since learned this is what people do when they are unsure of something, well he got that right, sweet mary was fresh off her fathers passing, and I was a full blown alky, with a nice 50 grand from fishing in Kodiak. I [...]

I am my past, not still, but without it… I am nobody, nothing, maybe just dust in the wind

We are our pasts, for me, I embrace, the good the bad the ugly.  I will not shame away, but stand proudly against all invaders, good or bad. that sums up me past thoughts, thinking, stinking, thinking I am not the person I was before I quit drinking, nor  am a person that never drank. Nor, will I cast blame, it was me, for good or bad. it was me.  am I still the same person? yes, it was me. does my past define me, Yes it does, and I embrace it. Have i changed, YES o yeS, IT IS TRUE. i HAVE GROWN UP AND OUT OF MY PAST SKINS, but they are me, were me. still reside within me. without my mistakes, I may be oblivious to the Repercussions that come with some behaviors and actions. AND believe me, I do not want [...]

good times bad times, where the hell does it all end?

I am a firm beliver in riding out the bad times and enjoying the good times, but this is ridiculous. I know Walmart Home depot and all the hospitals that are involved in the pandemic are raking it in hand over fist, but their workers are getting paid peanuts, so we can buy cheap Chinese tools, and they have to wear a mask, criminey i have been going through s0me tough times of my own, mostly trying to keep my happy dumb go lucky view of life and its twist and turn. My dark side comes out now and then, so I try  not to write much... but I am bored out of my skull, no excitement just the same old bullshit.  the Trial of Trump, it is already a forgone conclusion, he will be like John Gotti, only they will call him the teflon [...]

the past should be left in the Past?

Yes, for  sure, if you want it to repeat over and over, as it has many time, not only in history, but in life. We must embrace the past, our past and all before us, We are a War like creature, that is the past, there is little peace times, except, when stagnant, under the rule, of another, for instance as the Native American is now, yes it is history, Alaska was purchased lock stock and barrel from the Soviet Union. Alaskan Natives, served this country and died for this country, yet they are still second class citizens in the minds of the ruling elites. rights to land, they can not use. do you think your abuser is going to all of sudden change? American has been using Native vs Native for ever, and ever. back to the Seminole Wars, the Apache Wars, they will [...]

what the hell am eye eating now, or what is eating me?

Ok, so my diet has been making me feel real good, down to 170 lbs, give or take a few, still stuck at that weight, but I am shooting for 160, as that is the recommended from the government that sells sugar and flour poison to the masses I am still eating beef, love the stuff, but am trying to move to grass only beef, which his a better meat and has less poison, and cost more, but having a hard time saying no to  beef, I have been eating more salmon, some farmed, as it has higher Omega 3's, I know it is betrayal to all the fisherman, but it was a health and money choice. I have never liked salmon as a regular food, but have embraced it as a regular meal, and I am also eating pickled herring, it is delicious. they [...]

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