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Richard on the Side2020-12-29T08:48:37-07:00

failure as a parent, yes I have failed, and failed as a son

My biggest failure, is one that I WAS UNAWARE OF,  food is medicine, and poison.  The Internet is the greatest things to ever happen in my life, besides becoming a father, yet it came too late in the game, to save my own father or to be able to ensure that my offspring, would live healthy lives, not only healthy, but vibrant lives, the toxins we put into our bodies in the form of sustenance is sickening. The lives we are programmed to live, toxic.  I keep thinking of Walt Frizzell and Joe Warwick, they worked themselves to an early grave, I mean no diss on thier lives, They both produced loving families, and were very loved, both were working to death do us part with this life. I learned this too late for my father, he too had eaten his way to an early [...]

murder by cortisol? can it be true

What would you do if I sand out of tune? would you stand up and walk out on me? We may all feel like everything that we say or do is wrong, is it? can we be hopelessly MAD?   can I only be happy without stressors? why even go on, is it all worth it? are all the homeless people on drugs, or mentally unstable?  or are some of them just, tired of all the bullshit we go through to maintain " the white picket fence existence" . We have become so entrenched in this as the "norm"  can we just accept a miserly existence, if it keeps up the façade of a successful life? what to think when things, just diapear out of thin air, my lens for my  dslr camera, has disappeared into thin air, my hunting knife, also has disappeared [...]

one last political bullshit post, then I will shut my pie hole

I do they they need to get to the bottom of the Capital debacle, not sure if going after an EGO driven TRUMP, who espouse this Media attention, It does seem to be alot of vengful rhetoric, from Political Hacks, is this the right move, do bring Americans together, this nimskil, thinks not, but I's just one sheep of many who have had enough, maybe he should be, but I would insist on his pulpit, also being held accountable, Twitter and Facebook, whom have shown the ability to censor, whomever they please, for whatever they please. NOW after years of Nonsense, they censor, him after the crime of being able to manipulate, millions of sheep? in a Charles Manon like attack on the Capitol? maybe a witch hunt to find all the people who voted for trump and having them charged as an accessory, The [...]

good news, I gess

well, I figured it all out, my thryroid is failing, but it does not require a doctor,  just supplements, so all of my paranoia has been resolved, but the world still sucks, well at least the whole corona virus bs. and no work coming down the pike, just cheap crooks, or worse self-managed general contractors, biggest waste of time and money to deal with, espessially the wanta beees  🙂   waste of my time, but we shall see. something will pop up.

Help me Dktor im dyin, just a sec let me see what the manual says :/

Symptoms, shmimtoms, who needs them, your  TSH levels high, but your T4 is ok, so all your Hypothyroidism is all in your head, or your heart, or your dry flaky skin, or your nails, that are brittle, or perhaps in your hair that refuses to grow, much..... yeah that is the consensus That is not the worst part, it gets better, or for worse, 🙂 anyway, this all started a year ago, well about 15 months ago, diagnosed by some testing place, I had hypothyroidism, then again in the Emergency room, after my heart was feeling real freaky, but then they have some Indian stooge call me and say, no you dont have it, your fine. I go on  my merry way until this year, about 3 months ago, I noticed my heart acting weird again, and the lazy syndrome, which I just pushed through [...]

places I have lived, well been alive?

I have lived in California, Alaska, Washington and Arizona, I like to call my self a Westcoaster. I am very grateful for having  aged in California, I really have no grown up, as of yet, just ask anyone, who thinks they know me :/ My personal growth started in Anchorage, at the beginning of 1996, well not really, I think it started in Kodiak, Uganik bay, or perhaps on the boas, that is where I did very little drinking, but truthfully, until I was able to open my eyes, was not until 1996, and a year of AA meetings everyday, I went to them religiously, but this is about places i have had my body. My favorite, has to be California of the 70's grateful, because there was not the whitewash brainwash, schooling of the Indian or Native States. California, it was hip to [...]

RIP facebook friends 🙁 gone but not forgotten…

Randy Long Randy Long, I played football with Randy, he was tenacious, small in stature, big heart, Randy was always a stand up man, to the end. my regrets, that I did not visit him when I was in Las Vegas, for  a baseball tournament, Randy was a gangster from the old School. he had your back, would not hesitate or waver, Randy had 2 twin sisters and was very loved by his whole family. Stand up to the end. RIP Randy Long.  C.C. Gene Delgado I fished with Gene on the Bertha Marie with Ivar Malutin, Gene was a bad ass Alaskan, and Hawaiin, Ivar called him Pineapple 🙂  he was a fun guy, non-stop action. I remember the time we were dried up in the skiff in Kaluda bay? not sure, but on the other side of Larsen Bay, Me the kid from California, [...]

Uganik a place in time

last time, I was reminiscing about when my whole family drove the Alcan highway with 5 kids, 2 dogs and a goat in an old rambler station wagon. I remember my uncles Petes face, like it was yesterday. I remember the seagulls, the grass, the streams, I remember the often punishing skiff rides across the bays. I remember having a big crab bake, The Tents. the Eagle, the toy wooden cars with corks for wheels, Teddy Pestrikoff and his little cabin, inside he had a glass with a naked lady, or a lady with a bathing suit. such and adventure The next time, I remember Kodiak, was when me, my dad and my brother Tollak, John Tollak, went fishing, you know, I think I was just an appendage, because, I never remember working, or doing any work, I just remember that little Aqua jitney [...]

bombarded with bullshit 24/7 when does it all end?

Well, I for one am sick of all the political bs, yes even my own, but I feel a need to whine, or for some wine. I do believe it is an eye  for an eye now, the whole fraud at election, stole the election propaganda, but on the other hand, all is fair in love and WAR. I am more concerned at how biased our Media, and deceitful it has become. We subscribe to the Local rag, yet, there is little fairness, half the paper is filled with columnist that are on the democratic sticker side, these are ok, in the editorial, but they are filled through the  paper in the way of legitimate NEWS. biased news is not Legitimate. it I did not love drinking my morning coffee every morning with a paper in my hand, we would cancel, and say goodbye [...]

Interview Granny tape 1

Granny talks of bears, a goat, cannery jobs, travel, adversity, Cancer, positive thinking, God, eating bear meat in, ahkiok, here by happenstance, depends on individual, dad and gramps enter room. She talks of being liked, but liking herself, not being depicted as devious. Wanted kids to be good people, close family. Stepping in after family disturbance between siblings. Happy big family 24 grandchildren. Richard has a child, eldest son, namesake, youngest having babies. Natalie Aleut, having baby. Uganik: statehood. Fish traps, livelihood, gill nets. Almost wiped out by fish traps. Gramps always dreamed of living out of town, Freddy went to Sheldon Jackson. Watchman at cannery at Uganik. 14 miles from cannery cottonwood. Fish in summer. Grandchildren in summer.  2 of them.  Male nurse? Mick? Natalie and Diana, always. 1960 to 1974 six months a year, lost boys Freddy 71, Peter 1973-4 memories too [...]

ooops too much, is too much

Ok, one of my favorite foods is prime Rib, last night, I showed no more restraint than our dogs, maybe that is why my sweet mary calls me the "big Puppy"  I think I gained 10 pounds, most of which came out down under this morning, but I do think I solved my chest pain issues, more likely stomach issues, than heart, as I have pushed it pretty hard, and it seemed to get stronger, I am not a doctor, but I play one in my real life.) well happy new year?  for who? you?  I think I have to figure where to get in line, for food stamps, as in Arizona, the good jobs are relegated to the illegal clans from the south, at least if I wanted to work as an insignificant slave. ok look at this picture Land on the right, Salt [...]

crash bam, can still take a punch, or at least get up after tasting pavement

had a run in today with some blacktop, I have been roller blading with my dog, he is a big German shepherd, well today, things went a little awry for me, he pulls like a beast a full gallop, I was heading down a hill with him pulling me through a parking lot transition, he caught sight of a little dog, it was to late, for me, got caught on my heels, slammed head first into the pavement, I hopped right up, some lady was yelling "Are you alright" I was yeah ok, bleeding from my head, I got out, embarrassed, and battered. I had planned to go on an extended trip, and did not hesitate to finish my route, much to shock of a few bystanders, finally the blood dried up, and just looked like a dirty face 🙁  what wack on the [...]

shame shame on me..

you can hardly go through life, without someone pushing their shame on you.  whether it be their view of your religion, lack of religion, lifestyle, or your past, I know that is a tool, my family tries to use all the time.  whether it is beefing up false charges,  spreading rumors, the gamut goes on, the list is long, and I have done my share of stupid things, but you know what, I have no shame for all the bullshit  that is pointed in my direction, not the man whoring, the fighting, or even my drunken jail times. no shame, I do not deny, I was an asshole, with little regard for myself or others,  I  was the product of my environment.  Sure,  maybe some of you got out, without a blemish, with the same background, well nobody has the same, exact background.  but [...]

Medical Minutiae, wading through the swamp

Well my latest battle wages on. I have some appointments with the Mayo, find out what is going on. I suspect that it is my thyroid failing from the radiation, as it is one of the things to look out for and can effect multiple systems. Last year answer and ad on facebook after going through a sickly patch, and they diagnosed me with hyperthyroidism, so I started working on my diet, to see If I could treat it, My internet docktor (me) did all the research, finding helpful foods and foods to avoid. but the old ticker, kept bugging me, well in my chest area, already dealing with gerd, damn cheese, love the stuff, but the days of eating big hunks of it are over. So I ended up at Phoenix Indian Center, where I was again diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, The scheduled me [...]

Another Christmas gone by

All through house not a creature was stirring not even a MOUSE well that was a good Christmas, even without our 2 oldest childrens, they have lives of their Own now, proud, but sadness of sorts. We did have the baby home, well somewhere nearing 28. but always our baby boss, has been a blessing taking care and extending our Parenthood, We are just so proud of ourselves, that he even chooses to live with us, in this age of people that scoff at families, that stay together in this day and age. He has proven himself successful in every career he has engaged, Manager of a Chipotle, Manager of a high end retail chain, Z galleria, and currently working his way up the chain at a Major Insurance company. We had a nice 3 rib prime beef dinner, Christmas eve, was delicious, with [...]

Richard on Relationships more of my b.s.

Relation Ships, Probably the most important aspect of our Lives, no kidding. You know when people say you are what your eat? well, they should say, you are the result of relationships, your whole life is affected by the relationships you are born into, and the ones you choose, and just as much, the ones you do not choose. The single most Important relationship in our lives, is the one with Ourselves, no not masturbation, although it comes in handy in a pinch. Do you really think you can have good relationships with others, if you fail to have  good relationship with Your very own self? No, I do not mean monetarily, but more  of a knowledge of oneself. Understanding where you came from, why you think the way think, react, you wants, loves and all the things that define who we are. I [...]

I am a facebook whore

facebook, such a wonder, The old days, you would never hear from most people, EVER again, it has given us a connection to everybody we have ever known. It went from being a place to catch up to  an Advertising, Political juggernaut. not sure if that phrase is correct, but I understand it. I have my own personal rules that I follow, but like the rest of life, we all dance to our tune, I only post on peoples timeline if I can say something good, the old adage, dont say anything if you cant say anything good, is my mantra, one of them anyway. I have had people, post critiquing my work, clueless handyman types, I forget now, but it is an instant delete, mfkrs stupid lately a cracker, who had proved himself a cracker, did it again, I went to his profile [...]

food? Medicine? Drugs? or all?

that is a good question, in my uneducated opinion it is all 3, I have battled weight issues since the early 90's, having no clue about what foods to eat, well in those days, it was anything and everything, not too many things this chap, would not stuff down his gullet. my drug use throughout my life time was mostly limited to alcohol, except for the  occasional pot, coke, lsd about 5 times, angel dust about 10 times, and some mushrooms, I can honestly say that I had never been hooked on any of them, except the booze, loved the booze, it was medicine. that is how I felt normal, and that was rare, I never really felt normal, until I did the 12 steps and got off the booze for good, it was the best crutch pacifier. I did like the cocaine, mainly [...]

7 day fast, brutal but GOOD

yesterday, was the end of a 7 day fast, I was feeling sickly again, I had been consuming too many calories, I was really feeling bad, last time, I went to the ER, but they did not find anything major. This time, as with last I started fasting, but this time was a little scarier, as I did go into the hospital. I have been using fasting as cutting weight since about 1998, which was my first time after reading the Atkins book, There I learned about Keto and Ketosis, which is the best way to cut weight for healthy people, but I was not feeling healthy. Everytime I have done this fasting I have improved my methods as Information on the internet has improved. The Internet is a great place to search, but the problem comes with most of the relevant information is [...]

Stimulus for big business, peanuts for Working Americans

Peanuts 600 bones, that is pretty pathetic, those mfkrs, both parties, but the audacity to even put in in our faces, it would have been nicer just to hand out nothing. a fkn nikel. this was negotiated by both sides, if that does not show you how out of touch both  parties are, I am afraid, you will never be more than a "Cheap SHEEP" you mtfkr sitting in your nice office, regular sucking off a Corporate giant, or off our tax dollars, have no clue what it is to have to go out and get your hands dirty, or maybe your already retired, and just just slip sliding away. These unemployed, or just working to pay bills, The money goes right back to the government in the form of sales and property taxes. I wonder how much Walmart, Home Depot are raking in?  [...]

Arm Chair Quarterback

what exactly is the end game?  I mean really the big picture, here are a few of my observations. Populations are growing, growing and yes, growing. Where does all that end, the world from end to end with people?  We are at a point in history, where it is not too late, to set a path towards, a sustainable planet for all people. Agriculture is destroying our planet, it will not work forever, Oil will not last forever. Yes there is plenty NOW, it is not and endless supply, what happens, when we run out, WAR is what happens, it is in our history, War has been, and always will be  a human thing. God help us. My biggest pet peeves on our society, packaging, the way everything from a lighter, food, and just about everything. This is all wasted money that goes in [...]

My culture your Culture where did it go

I have been quite impressed with the younger generation of Alaskan Natives, I have even been subscribing to sites and they  all seem to be getting back Our culture, or at least what is left of it. Impressive. I had never seen this in my day, the big focus was money and  work, GET TO WORK, not hunting and fishing, The Image I share is my great grandmother and great great grandfather from Nome Alaska. you can see what his profession was, hunting and fishing. I just have to say here, when I was living in Uganik, it was the most peace I have had in my life, It was my fortress of solitude, It was a span of over 4 years, in which I planning on sharing on this journal,  My life consisted of Hunting daily, without much success, as I would trample all [...]

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